I was reading on another blog about how things were not as good in this bloggers life as it was looking like they really were, which got me thinking about 12 Happy Chickens.
Things are always not rosy around here either. I don’t mean that anyone is dying or ill, but I do mean I am not as happy as I could/should be. I try not to be all “Gloom & Doom” as my mother calls it but when do you say OK I want something more than I have right now or something better for my life? My daily thoughts have included this saying for the past 6 months or more and I can’t find an answer to it or shake the feelings.
On one hand I love my husband, my animals, and this farm– I have a hard time thinking of being anyplace but here. I also love the fact that I have a home based business that I have built from the ground up all by myself.
On the other, I am running out of patients with the whole NO money thing. All of my money goes into the business, and there really isn’t much left over for me right now. Since we married, husband has always kept things as what is his- is his, and what is mine- is mine. And that would be fine if he didn’t want me to be at home day in and day out and quit what I use to do. It seems you fall in love, blindly change your life to be more compatible with the other, and all of a sudden you notice- hey I got the short end of the stick! None of that was my idea–the short end of the stick part anyway…and I have run out of patients. I want things in life and I would love to be able to go buy a thing or two for myself every now and then.
I look back 6 years ago and I was making $46,000 a year + insurance. Now married I live pretty close to poverty with no health insurance and I’m sick of it. Don’t get me wrong here, if I really need something husband would give me his check book in a second, but there are also things I really don’t need that I would like. Plus there are things like new carpeting in our living room, new windows for this old cold farm house, some kind of curtains for our kitchen to keep the heat from going up in smoke, and generally things to keep this place from falling into the ground which are not much of a concern to husband… They all cost money.
So, Friday I made the biggest decision of my life. I am going in debt and buying a truck and trailer so that I can make my own money. I will still keep Wild Wind Soap Company up and running. I will have to do most of the work in the evenings and on weekends and if/when the company is making good income I will come back home and continue what I started.
I have 8 weeks (give or take) until I get my truck and trailer. The truck is the one you saw here as my latest & greatest, the trailer will be a grain trailer so that I can haul locally.
What a crazy life I lead… more to come on that.
Good luck on your truck driving — I hope it goes well. I can’t believe that you still have a “mine” and “yours” income!!! Norm and I have had an “ours” income since the day we were married. Sometimes it all came from me, most of the time it all came from him. But we spend it together and discuss big things. However, I get a little bit during the month to play with. Things like fixing the house SHOULD be and “ours” thing!!! Sorry it’s not working out that way with you two. To me, that’s what making a marriage is all about!!
Let’s look at this next weekend - if the weather holds. I’m so glad we postponed yesterday!!
Blessings
Hope you don’t mind, but my observations…
That whole arrangement does not sit well with me and I would not agree to it, personally.
When we first moved to where we live now, I was the one with the good job, until my partner found one… despite that the bank account was joint… in fact still is to this day. If we wanted everything separate, then why would we have joined together?
With you as the home laborer, basically without a steady outside income, this puts you at disadvantage even when things are good if you keep everything “his” or “hers”. Especially though should something go amiss with your relationship. Yes, I know we all like to think we’ll be head over heels with each other forever, and yes indeed, sometimes couples are. But sometimes things DON’T work out, sadly, in fact quite often this is the case more than the former. (I’ve been there, thanks BTW. Never again!)
He should support the fact that you need to be able to survive without him, should something bad happen as well as should you two decide to part company. I would NEVER want my partner to suffer should either happen, so I did my best to assist her find and get an awesome job she loves with retirement, full bennies as well as being a place that can make her financially independent.
He should also support the homestead improvements as sounds like it is all you have jointly, so that’s partly your investment, and that’s also what you desire. Can’t always get everything his way now can he?
If he were my husband I’d ask him if everything is either mine or yours, then where is our togetherness, and why did we marry anyway? Reminds me of that saying, why buy the whole pig, when you just want a little sausage?
So I say, way to go, on getting the truck, and in taking care of yourself now and for the future. He’s lucky you care enough to want to gift him with the bounty of your labors and love.
As Louis K. Anspacher said:
“Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.”
Love is not blindly giving everthing of yourself up for someone else.